‘Look you stupid bastard you’ve got no arms left’

Ah, so I see Hillary Clinton is pursuing the Black Knight Strategy:

Never count a Clinton out! Never! Neeeeever!

Prelude to a Dropout

Wow, I think I got a phone call from that woman…

Punk will bring us together

The Middle East is the the most vexing problem facing this generation. For centuries, two great peoples have struggled over the same land. It’s a situation that cries out for a leader. Fortunately, today’s random musical interlude is just that. You see, ’80s punk sensations The Clash found something rather ingenious, that can unite Arabs and Jews: The Clash.
The video for “Rock the Casbah” has it all, Semitic unity set to a funky baseline, truly bizarre lyrics (listen around the 2:49 for what I believe to be the only use of the word “chauffeured” in rock music), a cell phone ring tone a good 10 years before cell phones were popularly available (1:54), and a freakin’ armadillo running through most of the scenes. And who knew a sheik and Hasidic Jew could dance so well?

On a sad and ironic side note, the National Review’s list of the top 50 conservative rock songs (which, I’ve found over time, is probably the most poorly researched and put together music lists of all time) placed “Casbah” at number 20, citing it’s popularity with U.S. bomber pilots during the Gulf War, and failing to realize that in the song, the king’s jet pilots decided that listening to music would be more fun than killing people, and that the actual message of the song details how American culture is a much more effective way of cultivating American values than is imperialistic hegemony.

Pastor Hagee turns a trick

As if you needed another taste of the frothy, putrid mix of politics and religion, take a sip of Pastor John Hagee. Pastor Hagee, today apologized for calling the Catholic Church “the Great Whore”. His more outrageous statement, however — that being that Hurricane Katrina was God’s wrath manifested against New Orleans for it’s tolerance of homosexuality — remains unapologetically at large.

Pragmatically, this makes sense. John McCain will need Catholic voters to beat Barack Obama this November. A lot of them. Gay voters? Well if they’re still voting Republican after all this time, it’s going to take more than some wannabe Jerry Falwell to change that, so the McCain camp figures they’re pretty safe.

But that’s the problem: Time and time again, fundagelicals deflect criticism of their radical beliefs by saying that they don’t speak pragmatically. They speak for god, so why should they apologize? If they say something that offends you, your problem is with god, not their messenger.

But when you mix the pragmatism necessary in electoral politics with the absolutism inherent in evangelical Christianity, you find a dilemma, because either Pastor Hagee is such an imperfect vessel for the real word of god that his claim to speak for him is naught, or Pastor Hagee is just making things up and dressing it up as the word of god, or Pastor Hagee’s allegiance to the Republican Party has trumped his oath, and he has denied the word of god to get John McCain elected. Whichever you choose, we end up at the same conclusion: “The Great Whore” isn’t the Catholic Church at all, it’s the evangelical right.

Homeschool bumper sticker round-up

In case you’ve never looked, there are a ton of homeschool bumper stickers on Cafe Press. And they’re hilarious. Here are the highlights:

Yeah, but Lincoln’s parents weren’t fundagelical retards who were afraid that reading Harry Potter would turn him into a lesbian.

Warning: Clip art thief on board.

Congratulations, you stumbled onto the same dog whistle word that George W. Bush did.

A lot of people made this same shirt, substituting their surname for a university name, similar to how they substitute their shrill defense of their dogmatic world for reason and accreditation. This one, in particular though, worried me because if the kid never goes to public school, they’ll probably never know why the people laugh at them when they wear this shirt. I suspect this is also the highest selling item…

All of my primary and secondary education was in public school, and I dare say I understand the Constitution better than anyone who would drive around with this bumper sticker, demonstrated in part by the fact that I didn’t vote for Ron Paul.

omg commies!

This is just sad.

Obviously you don’t go to public school or you’d know that this is hardly unique to homeschoolers.

“It’s important to me that you know I’m not crazy; I just believe that the whole world is out to get me and destroy my beliefs.”

Yeah, crank up the Donny and Marie! I actually think this is Nick Cannon’s new MTV show. Wild!

Ok, what the fuck?

Wrestle a bear: Homeschool.
Say, Franklin Roosevelt was homeschooled too…oh.

Willfull ignorance actually doesn’t bother me as much as you’d think. Especially when lack the social skills to have any real effect on the world at large.

Eeeeewwwwww

Worried that John McCain and Joe Lieberman are too close?

How about now?

John Gibson’s growing up

Fox News commentator John Gibson has come under fire for mocking Air America host Rachel Maddow’s lesbian-ness.

On his radio show yesterday, Fox News host John Gibson made fun of Air America host/MSNBC analyst Rachel Maddow, playing a clip that says “Ooh, lesbians! Yummy!” after airing audio of her discussing media coverage of Jeremiah Wright. Maddow is a lesbian.

But remember, John Gibson is a grown man who actually believes that the Democratic Party has a secret plan to steal Christmas. Making fun of someone’s sexuality actually makes him seem a little more intelligent.

What the fuck is a Muslim pastor?

I’ve been saving this for a while, and I’ve finally decided to share it ahead of Tuesday’s Indiana and North Carolina primaries, and after the manufactured resurgence of Jeremiah Wright. No, I’m not naive enough to believe that this small contribution to the political zeitgiest would make a difference in how people vote, I just thought some people just might like to hear the call that made me want to renounce my citizenship.

This call came to me by virtue of my employment by a U.S. congressman. I’ve removed references to the congressman for the privacy of all involved.

Of course, not all Hillary voters are racists, that’s ridiculous. What this shows to me, however, is the blatant racism and stupidity that Hillary is tapping into to win the support of older white voters. There’s a fine line between race-baiting and racism that Hillary has skirted for the better part of this race, but at what point does playing to people’s inherent racism contribute to creating a less just society?

And by the way, what the fuck is a Muslim pastor?!?

Occam’s razor can get fucked

My new OnDemand service came with a History Channel documentary on a rash of recent werewolf sightings in Wisconsin. Being a shrewed consumer, I watched it. Of course, the obvious explanation is that people just saw liquored up Brewers fans, but witnesses described the creature as bipedal, so the producers came up with something even more logical: Witnesses had actually seen — and misidentified — a bigfoot!

Perfect way to explain away a creature that doesn’t exist, say it was another creature that doesn’t exist. Occam’s razor can get fucked.

In which I pick the low-hanging fruit

Former President Bill Clinton, speaking to reporters after his wife’s event in Pittsburgh, PA Monday, said that under the republican primary system –- his wife would be ahead by hundreds of delegates.

Ah, so that’s why she thinks like a Republican and voted like a Republican and has recently been sounding like a Republican. This’ll definitely shows those superdelegates that she’s the best standard bearer for the Democratic Party.

Of course, this begs the question: If Hillary would be winning under the Republican primary system even though she is trailing by 800,000 votes in the popular vote, isn’t this the strongest argument in favor of the Democratic system that she’s so clearly losing under?